As many people know, I am That Girl. You know the girl I’m talking about. The girl you creep on Facebook and turn to your friend and have a conversation similar to this:
You: “This is [insert name.] She went to [insert major university] but she just couldn’t handle it.”
Friend (I like to think of your friend as someone who is wearing a Hello Kitty crop top, pink skinny jeans and glitter eyeshadow. That’s the most irritating outfit I can think of.): “Oh my gosh. I knew a girl like that. She went to [major university] but I heard she just started eating Chapstick uncontrollably. Like, it was so weird. I met her roommate at a party once and she told me all about it. Like, she just wouldn’t stop eating Chapstick and now she is in a mental asylum. So sad. You know? She was so normal in high school.”
You: “Yeah thats pretty much completely what happened to this girl. But, instead of eating Chapstick, she just watched a lot of movies on her laptop and instead of an insane asylum…she’s at…oh my god I can’t say it…it’s just so sad…a…a…a community college.”
You and your Hello Kitty-tastic Friend Simultaneously: “So sad.”
I know this because I have had this conversation. No really, I have. Recently actually, because I’m a huge hypocrite. The only thing is that I love being “That Girl.” I feel like it makes me really edgy. Later in life, I’ll finally be able to give inspirational speeches to uppity private high schools about the great hole my life fell into and how I so valiantly brought myself to higher ground. A lot like the guy who fell in the canyon and had to eat his arm off to survive. The only thing is that I’m really bad at being edgy at my community college and these are the reasons why:
1. No one really wants to be my friend. My roommate says it’s because no one likes the question “So what are you in for?” But I really don’t think that’s it. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that no one wants to look at pictures on my iPhone of my dog doing various daily activities. I don’t understand why that is but apparently it’s not everyone’s personal preference.
2. I refuse to park anywhere but the faculty lot. I mean this isn’t new. I did this at my previous institution of higher learning also but they don’t tow at community college. This has it’s pros and cons. Pro: my car doesn’t get to take a weekly ride on the big, flat truck. Con: I don’t get to have those fun “you’ve got to be kidding me, Katherine. Again?” conversations with the towing company. It used to just be an issue of laziness but since the parking spots at community college are pretty much all the same distance from the building, it’s now an issue of pretentiousness. And I am fine with that.
3. I wont stop calling myself “The Carrie Bradshaw of Community College.” I have always identified with Carrie. I think we have a lot in common. She’s from the fabulous city of New York. I am from Oklahoma. It would be pointless to tell you what town because just by saying “Oklahoma” you are already uninterested. Carrie is constantly dripping in the most well known designers. I wear a lot of Nike shorts and Forever 21. She sips Cosmopolitans in the city’s most trendy locations. I try like hell to find any possible bar with beer pitchers under five dollars. Basically, we are the same person. I also don’t think it’s out of the boundaries of social norms to give yourself a title and introduce yourself as such:
“Hello. I, see you are also riding this elevator. You may have heard of me, I am the Carrie Bradshaw of Community College.” Then flip your hair.
4. I don’t smoke cigarettes…but I pretend. I have asthma. I have “inhaler after walking up a flight of stairs” asthma. I couldn’t smoke even if I wanted to. But since I’m really edgy now, I sit in my car with a burning cig until I smell so bad that you’d have to believe I’m authentic. I even say cool things like “Can I bum a Marlboro Heavy?” Even if that may or may not be a real thing.
I may suck at being edgy, but no one will know that in twenty years when I write my memoir about these trying times. They’ll just see me as a survivor, not an easily distracted former Catholic school girl who got bad grades.
Katherine
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