There are many things in this world that never should have happened. Take child slavery, the song “Party Rock Anthem,” Chaz Bono and war for example, we all would have been a lot better off if those things hadn’t happen. But recently, I realized there was another cruel and unusual thing out there that mankind could have done without, that thing is Showtime’s new series Gigolos. Now I would first like to stress that the only reason my best friend Quinn and I even stumbled uponGigolos was because we could not find my remote but I also can’t deny that we did not get up to change the channel on the side of the TV either, we’d been drawn in. Now the show is essentially soft porn*, which is absolutely not the part that I find so riveting. The gigolos love each other. It’s like a morally skewed brotherhood. A fraternity you’d never want to be apart of. I mean some of you would, but thats your own problem. I’d like introduce you to the boys:
(In order from left to right)
Steven- Honestly, Steven is my favorite because I’m 100% sure he’s gay. But I don’t love his gayness in the same way I love Ross Mathews. I don’t want to be Steven’s best friend. In fact, I would pay Steven to stay at least 30 feet away from me at all times. I mainly want to help him. Show him the way to his true self, if you will. But the fact that he’s so far back in the closet you cant even see him isn’t what makes you hurt for him, it’s the fact that he is a father. According, to Steven he is giging to give his son a better life. What an interesting career day that would be. I really don’t even want to know the kind of over time homeboy is going to have to do to send his spawn to theatre camp, but thats the next episode.
Nick- I hate Nick. Nick, I hate you. I really don’t want to hear you tell me one more time that you are originally from Wisconsin and like to race dirt bikes. That doesn’t appeal to your more masculine male audience, you’re still a gigolo and we’re all still judging you. And no, you don’t have standards so stop being mean to your huskier clients.
Vin- He was a new comer to the group on the episode I tuned in for. Their “agent” or “pimp” in street terms, wanted to put him in a framiliar social situation with the guys. Naturally, they all met at the gym. The other Gig’s (thats a fun nickname I made up for them) seemed more interested in the fact that Vin was black. After a few wildly offensive racial comments, they realized Vin was about 1/100th black and weren’t as welcoming as I was hoping they would be. So if we are keeping with the fraternity theme Vin would be a pledge. A pledge that likes to call himself “chocolate,” but look at him, I don’t buy it.
Brace- He serves as the president of the fraternity. I mainly gave him that title because he is around 89 years old. Brace is always freshly spray tanned which I find admirable. I could go on for hours describing him, but I think instead the Showtime website says it best:
“Brace dabbled in modeling but then decided he preferred the corporate world.”
Am I the only one who doesn’t classify male prostitution as “the corporate world?” Can I get an amen?
Jimmy- I think I feel closest to Jimmy. Maybe because I watched him tell his family he wasn’t actually a youth music teacher, and was in fact a Gigolo. They took it uncomfortably well. I may or may not have shed a few tears. You’re so brave, Jim.
Well, now that you’ve met the faces behind the pelvic thrusts, I hope you’ve all come to find that they are just like you and me…just a lot sluttier.
Katherine
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